Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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