Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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