My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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