life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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