with your own penis?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
