Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
