I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
