so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
