I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
