So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
