why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
