I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Someone came in the potted fern
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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