Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize