three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
