So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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