3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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