Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
