beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
