summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
