then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
