mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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