Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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