there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
