I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
