He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
