his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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