I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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