RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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