Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hippo gnu deer
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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