Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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