after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
