I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
