I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
