were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
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