And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
