At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
