Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize