woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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