You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
