sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My feet surprised me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
