Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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