she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
