Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
