i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
