Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
