Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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