Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
