It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize