Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
