so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
