then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
