i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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