I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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