I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize