Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
