Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
