I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
