Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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