her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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