I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
