walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk is a universal language darling
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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