Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's blow job season.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
