She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
