Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
