accomplished twins. life is a go
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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