think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
