Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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