FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
