Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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