Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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