New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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