i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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