sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
