did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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