thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
