Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize