I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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