He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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