and you said cock pushups were impossible
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugly people sure do ruin things
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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