Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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