His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
