hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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