yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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