Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize