We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
