it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
