your thong is hanging out like whoa
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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