Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize