I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
