Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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