Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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