don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
