I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
