I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize