So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
