the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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