speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need to calm my uterus...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
