i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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