Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
