Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize