I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
