I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
