My liver just broke up with me...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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