I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
